life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
