dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
