Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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