After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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