How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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