Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
