on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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