u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
