***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
