it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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