I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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