i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
