I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize