barbara walters just said penis...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
