FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
