Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
