I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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