Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
