Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
