I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
