I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
