if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
