I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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