Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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