i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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