Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
