i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
