What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a hot homeless man
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
