My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
