After last night, I could never be a politician.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this hospital has no fireball
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
