I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize