Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
