Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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