so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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