Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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