I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i've created a new STD.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
