new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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