He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
