I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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