the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize