My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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