i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
