his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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