it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
