he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm at about main and main street
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
