I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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