your parents love me but you hate me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize