No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
