where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
