Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize