the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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