im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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