DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
