Acid is not a monday night drug
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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