Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
