i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
