If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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