we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
