So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
