I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
