party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
