based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
