no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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