I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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