I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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