We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
