I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
