you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize