so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
