Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
