so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
