are you still at the devil's house?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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