You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
