Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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