New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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