Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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