double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
