I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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