his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had to cum in my sink.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
