Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
