so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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