my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
