cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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