I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
