my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
where does the pee come out of this thing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
