if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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