I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
