just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
