So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
