i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
