grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
