went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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