today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
