isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
