Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
