but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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