We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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