god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
