OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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