Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
