We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
