Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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