she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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